|Leeking Ink #27 Table of Contents
Stupid Things I Have Done Lately
I've done some really stupid things lately. I don't think I'm usually this mindless and dense, but here's proof otherwise
I had written Andy a letter on my train ride to work, but didn't have an envelope in my bag (my bag is my traveling office). When I got to DC I used one from my stash of work stationary, stamped it and sent it on its way to Portland. A week or so later the letter was back on my desk opened. I had forgotten the apartment number and it was returned to the hands of my petty, Seinfeld-obsessed "director." He smirked about it. The letter had been rather personal and worse yet, confessed to/gloated about leaving a work event several hours early a few weeks before.
I was working on two freelance projects at home. Without a shred of forethought, I got up from the computer, walked into my bedroom and decided that that moment would be a good time to take the air conditioner out of the window. I took it out all right. The window was sticking because of the high humidity and stormy weather. I had one hand on the AC trying to balance it and the other pounding the window. It finally sprang upward, causing my upper body to surge forward and push the AC out the second story window. I ran downstairs to make sure none of the dogs were outside when it fell. They weren't. I went into my mother's room to explain the crash. She stood there at the door looking at the now mutilated AC and turned to me and said, "It landed in a pile of diarrhea you know."
OIL AND WATER
I know the danger of having lip balm in my pants pocket, but I got home from work near midnight and just threw the pants in the wash without thinking. I had to go out and buy Patrick new pants for work that weekend.
SELF-POISONING: "ALL-NATURAL" CAN KILL, I
I decided I would try and take better care of myself and eat a healthy breakfast routinely. I found a new, self-proclaimed, "healthy" cereal that I liked. It took nearly 6 weeks for me to realize that all the cracked and unprocessed wheat in the cereal was causing my stomach agonies.
NEVER A BORROWER BE
My minivan had died a few weeks earlier and my boss needed me to work one Saturday. I picked his van up and was to use it for the photo shoot and give it back to him when he got home Monday. Well, Saturday evening rolled around and I needed to go take care of my friend's cats while she was away. Using the van wouldn't hurt, would it? On the way back I decided to stop by the grocery store, which was where the van started making a terrible noise. I was afraid to drive it and I couldn't get in touch with him, so I parked it and left about 10 messages explaining what happened and begging forgiveness for using the van without asking. It had thrown a spark plug and had nothing to do with me driving it, but having just watched my own minivan pass away I wasn't sure.
1ST DEGREE IDIOT
Patrick came to see me at lunch on my first day of work and we went to get hot drinks. I wasn't feeling well and ordered hot tea, watching the woman heat the water with an espresso spout. It was far too hot to drink, so I thought, "Oh, I'll just put some ice in it." I put the open cup under the ice chute and pushed. The water that splashed out of the cup was hot enough to cause blisters on the top of my hand.
SELF POISONING: "ALL-NATURAL" CAN KILL, II
I had been sick for nearly a week. I left work early and stopped and got what I thought would help: nice "hippy-dippy" herbal cough syrup (by Tom's of Maine). I got the nighttime formula and took some as soon as I got home. I didn't get sleepy in fact I felt a little peppy. That peppiness would quickly transform into an inability to sleep and perpetual anxiety, only I was too sick and stupid to realize it was the cough syrup causing the problem. After three days I went to the doctor who said my heart was racing and that it was likely the cough medicine. I was utterly exhausted by that point. She also said I probably had mono.
Christmas night I fell victim to a violent bout of gastroenteritis (the stomach flu). In the middle of the night, on yet another desperate flight to the bathroom to throw up, I ran face first into the wall. It began to bruise and swell immediately. At the hospital a few days later I would be asked if anyone had hit or threatened me just me.