The zine writer's guide to eating for the price of four
33¢ stamps Breakfast: bagel = 35¢. Coffee refill at the
neighborhood gas station = 25¢.
Mid-morning munchies: Mooch chips and chocolate from your
co-workers, swearing to pay them back just as soon as you receive a dollar in
the mail.
Lunch: Ramen noodle soup = 10¢. Make sure you get them on
sale, don't you dare pay the additional 5¢.
Afternoon munchies: You spot a kid with an ice cream cone.
- If you do a mopey, depressed perzine you whine until the kid feels
sorry for you and gives you the ice cream cone.
- If you do a happy perzine, you befriend the kid, until he feels
compelled to share.
- If you do a sex zine, you offer to give the kid a blow job. You go to
jail, and do not get any ice cream, but you do make the acquaintance of the
sexually ambiguous "Charlie."
- If you do a political zine, you explain the plight of migrant farm
workers, the exploitative harvesting of sugar cane, and the toxicity of
pesticides on fruit. The kid throws down the ice cream cone in disgust.
- If you do a militant vegan zine, you tell the kid about the bovine
oppression he is perpetuating. You pour mock blood over the cone, and lead the
kid to a protest of the dairy industry.
- If you do a scuzzy punk zine, you wait until the kid throws the cone
in the trash, and dumpster dive the remains.
Dinner: You make some of the couscous you bought in bulk two
years ago. 29¢ for a huge bowl. You spend the remaining 33¢ on a
stamp, as mail is more important than food.
